3.11 Leaving No Regrets

ISAAC

The circle of mourners was small, just our family, close friends, and a few townspeople. A quiet affair.

“Vega, Altair, Taurus. There’s something we need to tell you.”

Two men began to lower the coffin into the ground.

My parents, sitting across from us as my father addressed us.

I stared hard at the hole in the ground as they began to shovel earth into it, hoping it would hold back the tears.

“It’s something we should have told you a long time ago.”

My mother was my guiding light. My father was my compass that points north. After my mother died my father disappeared. We never searched for him. We knew he was gone, never to be seen again; his first and last selfish act in the time we’d known him.

Now here I stood on the edge of a grave- at the edge of an ending- saying goodbye to my mother, with the crushing knowledge that I had not lost one parent, but two.

 

“I have to go now,” said Iris, gentling placing her hand on my arm. “My train leaves in an hour. I’m sorry I have to leave so soon…”

“It’s alright,” I said. “Are you sure you can go alone?”

“I’ll be fine. Stay. Your place is here.”

I watched her walk away.

The other mourners left too, in a trickle. Altair excused himself to help Nia feed Aria, who was fussing again, and I was left alone with Vega. She gave me a wan grin, her eyes red from crying. “Finally some quiet. How are you holding up?”

“Honestly, I could have been better.”

“Yeah.” She scuffled the dirt with her feet. “I feel like we should all talk more. You first. I know you have a problem that’s not because of all… this.” She gestured to our surroundings. “Tell me. I might be of some help, even if I’m your fussy old maiden sister.”

I couldn’t help but smile though it vanished as quickly as it came, like a wave on sand. “Vega, tell me honestly. What do you think of Iris?”

“Well, I would know her better if I saw her more,” said Vega with mild disapproval. “You should bring her over more often. From what I have seen of her, though, she’s lovely. I like her.”

“Her family are pushing us to get married. They say they’ll set me up with my own practice.”

“Well, that’s great!” said Vega with surprise. “But what’s the problem? Are you not ready to get married? Or is it that you don’t love her?”

“It’s not that.” I exhaled and looked down, gathering my thoughts. “I wasn’t sure why they were so eager for us to marry, since I don’t have a title, nor am I particularly well-off.”

“So?”

“So, I did a little digging. Her mother’s side of the family has a history. A history of paranoia, delusions and rage. Her younger brother- did you know she had a younger brother? He was sent to an institution years ago and none of them ever mention him.”

“Oh.” It took her a few moments to process this, as various emotions flashed across her face. “So what are you going to do?”

“That’s the problem! I don’t know what to make of it! Logically, in the long run, the stakes outnumber the benefits. I could easily start my own practice in a few years even without the Farias’ help.”

“Taurus,” sighed Vega, “I am not the best person for advice. But here’s what I think- you always choose the logical things, and that is one of your strengths. But when it comes to this, is the logical choice truly the right one?”

“Logic is all I have,” I muttered.

“I just don’t want you to regret letting her go. Also to be fair we’re not too normal ourselves. Some might say our family has secrets that are… harder to accept.”

Our family secrets. Secrets wrapped in pages and candle light, never spoken of but ever present. Had that been my parents’ one regret?

There’s something we need to tell you. It’s something we should have told you a long time ago.

Why was I hesitating? What I should do, logically, was clear. Yet I was asking Vega for advice because I wanted her to change my mind. Because…

“I love Iris,” I said aloud. “I don’t want to regret unspoken things. I have to talk to her. Tell her. Now! Before I change my mind!”

“You might still catch her if you run,” she said, and thrust a handful of coins into my hands. “Here, take these. And run! Run!”

I don’t remember how I got to the train station and then onto the platform. I vaguely remember bribing my way onto the train, but that may be a memory I made up later to explain the money gone from my pockets.

I found Iris reading in her compartment. She must have been astonished to see me there, panting and out of breath, on a train I was not meant to be on.

“Iris,” I said, in between breaths, “I know you have secrets. I do too. Ones you might not believe. But I think we should tell these to each other and not hide them away. Like my parents did. They were great parents, but I don’t want to be like them. I want you to tell me things, and I want to tell you things, and… What I’m trying to say is… There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Well sit down,” she said. I did.

Unbeknownst to us, the train to Windenburg travelled across the land, across a day and a night. If I had taken a moment to pause the conversation we would have seen the landscape change dramatically. But I was too busy wrapped up in telling her things I should have told her before.

Telling her everything.

—–

And here we say goodbye to our 2^nd generation heir, Libra. I’ll write a little something on that shortly. Thanks for reading! ❤

 

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